Earlier this year, I was honored to be a guest contributor on an outstanding and not-at-all-cynical blog, Things I Don't Support, in order to properly frame and defend the disgust that the majority of knowledgeable sports fans have with the game of soccer.
In that post, I half-jokingly referred to soccer's handball penalty as being founded on a belief that the use of hands in a sport was morally reprehensible. Of course, at the time, I no more thought the handball penalty had an actual moral component than the personal foul in basketball, or the holding call in football (real football).
However, it appears that my assessment of the rationale behind the penalty was more accurate than even I could have imagined. In case you missed it (and, believe me, I would have had it not been for a close friend violating a firm rule I have about never forcing me to learn anything new about soccer), FIFA, the game's Grand Inquisitor ... er ... governing body, has decided that the famous uncalled handball by Frenchman and, by default, enormous pussy, Thierry Henry may very well deserve sanctioning. The crazy part (other than the fact that I'm spending time thinking about soccer) is that it wouldn't even be unprecedented!
Why, you may ask (and if you aren't, stop reading), is disciplinary action necessary because of a mere violation of the rules? After all, no one thought Derek Jeter deserved to miss a World Series game after Jeffrey Maier nabbed his impending flyout and Jeter took official credit for the longball, nonetheless. Nor was there public outcry when Michael Jordan refused to tell the ref, "I'm sorry, I pushed him. Please take away the points."
Soccer, though, lives by a different, nonsensical, set of rules (as I've already clearly established). FIFA cited Henry's "blatant unfair playing" as the potential grounds for suspension. Never mind that officials are there to, ya know, officiate the game and make sure these things don't happen. Apparently, in soccer, the refs are there simply as backup. I was completely unaware that this ridiculous "sport" expects its players to live under the "call your own" rules of the playground. This is just another reason why Americans will, I hope at least, never accept soccer as a legitimate major sport. We understand that certain actors in sports have defined roles. Players play. Officials officiate. Mixing the two is not only unnecessary, but unreasonable.
Is there anything more stupifying than the game with the world's most barbaric fans (rather than hyperlink here, how about we all agree to simply Google "crazy soccer fans" or just "soccer fans," since the first is redundant) still considering itself such a "gentleman's game" that players are expected to out themselves when they've committed a penalty?
Well, maybe so, but you get my point.
1 hour ago
